Yet at the same time be deathly afraid of it.
There are several common actions, beliefs, and defenses avoiders employ to stay away from other people, connection opportunities, and to defend themselves from possible rejection and judgement.
Take this avoidant attachment quiz to find out how much you display symptoms of the avoider mentality.
Answer yes or no to the following 20 statements:
- I simultaneously desire intimacy (deep down), but have trouble admitting it, or enjoying intimate moments. I become VERY uncomfortable during these times.
- I have a history of being let down when it comes to intimacy (I had absent parents, I was abused, I was bullied,…), and I feel like my needs were ignored when I was young.
- I have problems trusting others – I feel like they’ll let me down or stab me in the back.
- I rationalize my way out of wanting intimacy and spending time with others, finding reasons like wanting to work longer hours, not being able to find suitable partners, etc.
- I have great difficulty entering into deeper emotional conversations.
- I have great difficulty with conflict and handling emotional conversations in my relationships.
- I pull away when my partners or friends try to find out more about me. I feel scared and like they might try to judge me.
- People who know me would describe me as being “secretive”.
- I believe I need to rely on myself alone to get my needs met, since other people just screw it up or will fail and let me down.
- I can handle things myself and don’t need to rely on anyone else, especially when I feel stressed and challenged.
- If I’m hurting, I usually feel like I should just suck up the pain and work through it on my own.
- I want to have as many casual encounters as I can have, and if I don’t get them, I feel worthless and lonely.
- I am afraid of being seen, judged, shamed, and especially abandoned. I don’t want people to leave me or reject me.
- I find that I pull away when my partners and friends try to find out more about me. I sometimes feel like they are trying to violate my privacy.
- I don’t like sharing myself with others.
- I’m afraid of my emotions. I’m scared that anxiety will take over me and I’ll have a panic attack, fear makes me feel like I’m going to throw up, and when I get sad I feel like I can never be happy again.
- I’m scared to have my heart broken or stepped on.
- I’m always scared of people walking all over me.
- I don’t make my needs known, I don’t tell people what I want and why.
- When I get angry, I become passive-aggressive, withhold sex, and don’t touch or want to be touched.
How many of these did you say “Yes” to?
The more you did, the more you display symptoms of the avoider mentality.
The problem is that avoiders miss out on beautiful moments in life, and also miss out on amazing relationships.
And the sad thing is that most of the time, avoiders are amazing people who, if they opened up, would be healed by people accepting and loving them as they are.
How Can I Use This Information To Help Myself Or Someone I Know?
This quiz has given you an idea of how many avoider traits you have.
They are hurting you, stopping you from enjoying your relationships, and making you extremely scared of rejection and being hurt.
But, what exactly are these traits?
I created a free checklist that you can use that contains the 9 most common ones to look out for.
Enter your e-mail below to download the free checklist: